Dear Deanna!
I feel there’s a difference between honesty and not telling the whole truth in a relationship. My husband has the tendency to leave out important facts. I’ve learned that he’ll tell me what he wants me to know and when I find out other things, he claims he forgot. How do you forget that you have a child, how do you forget that you got fired and how do you forget you have a wife. In other words, he’s living a double life and I don’t know what to do?

Carol,
Charleston, S.C.

Dear Carol:
Your marriage is missing trust and communication which are the strongest staples for a solid relationship. There are also some issues with you that may cause your husband to be intimidated so he’s forced to lie about everything. However, there are no excuses for his double life in which he has committed adultery. The both of you need to invest in a therapist to sort out your issues, organize your mess and clear the air of the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personalities.

Dear Deanna!
My boyfriend has finally proposed and I don’t know if I want to accept. I had images and thoughts that when it happened, I would feel a certain way and my life would change. My heart feels heavy and now I’m scared and not sure if I want to get married. I realize that I have to answer to him, my life will change and I lose all of my freedom. Is there anything I can do to feel better about this whole thing?

Anonymous
On-Line Reader

Dear Anonymous:
You can feel better by realizing that you’re not ready for marriage. You may want the benefits of finance, sex and entertainment, but you’re not ready for the idea of a committed marriage. Have a talk with your boyfriend so that he doesn’t spend money or make any investments knowing you have cold feet. Marriage is a blessing and a benefit. You may need to re-evaluate this situation and be the bigger person and make the right decision to walk away.

Dear Deanna!
My daughter has a two-year old son and they both live with me. I have rules as far as anyone eating in certain areas, cleaning up and purchasing their own toiletries. She allows my grandson to run wild all over the place, there are juice stains and fingerprints everywhere and my carpet is ruined. Then to make matters worse, she uses my detergent and cleaning supplies. I work full-time and I am stressed because they’re ruining my place. How do I handle this?

Stressed Grand Ma
Glen Burney, Md.

Dear Grand Ma:
Your grandson and your daughter both need discipline. You have to realize the toddler is going to be a handful and he’ll be into everything on a regular basis. This is no excuse because your daughter should be teaching him a few things. He’s at a curious stage but he can use a few taps on those little hands when they wander. Put your foot down to your daughter that she needs to take care of her child and stop being a freeloader or she’s out and keep it moving.

Ask Deanna is written by Deanna M. Write Ask Deanna!
Email: askdeanna1@yahoo.com

www.askdeanna.com

Dear Deanna!
I want to share with the readers my secret to a good relationship. My husband and I get along just fine because I stay in my place, respect him as a man, and provide my womanly duties of cooking and cleaning. I don’t have to worry about him cheating and we settle our problems by talking. Hopefully some of your readers can benefit from this tidbit.
–Terri Thomas
Dover, Del.

Dear Terri:
Congratulations Miss Cleaver on your relationship that’s perfectly in order. Indeed, two people in a relationship have roles that must be fulfilled. However, what works for you may not work for others because people and their expectations are different. Thanks for sharing and continued success to the both of you.

Dear Deanna!
My boyfriend and I have dated for 3-years and I gave him a key to my apartment. Now that he can come in, eat, sleep and go as he pleases, things have changed. He doesn’t come over as often and when he does, it’s late at night. I’ve asked him for a key to his place but he said no without an explanation. I told him I wanted my key back and he said if I take it from him or change the locks, the relationship is over. Was it a mistake to give him a key in the first place?
–Tanya
On-Line Reader

Dear Tanya:
If his name isn’t on the lease then he shouldn’t have a key. You made yourself vulnerable because he knows you won’t entertain anyone else since he can show up at any time. He’s not going to give you a key because he’s not as committed as you are. You should take your key and if that’s the only thing that can end the relationship, then you don’t need him. If he refuses, then change your locks, make him knock on the door for a visit and keep it moving.

Dear Deanna!
I’m in the middle of a bad divorce and I’m still intimate with my ex-husband. Although we didn’t get along, couldn’t build a life or raise our family together, we were able to bond physically. The reason we’re divorcing is due to outside affairs with other people, financial problems and marrying too soon. I want to move on with my life but for some reason, manage to keep this part of the relationship going. Am I wrong for doing this?
–Worried Divorcee
Atlanta

Dear Worried:
Sex is the fuel for a relationship and not the glue. If you’re divorcing your husband, you need to immediately cut all physical ties. You’re short changing yourself by giving him your body because it’s obvious he didn’t respect you as a wife and won’t respect you as a homey lover friend. Learn from your mistakes and if you must have a man, be a better judge of character and find one that will respect you more than your husband and keep it moving.

Ask Deanna! Is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects!

Real people. Real advice.

Ask Deanna is written by Deanna M.
Write Ask Deanna!
Email:
askdeanna1@yahoo.com

or write:

Deanna M
264 S. La Cienega
Suite 1283
Beverly Hills
CA 90211

www.askdeanna.com

Dear Deanna!
I’m in a relationship and I think my jealously is going to ruin things. My girlfriend is attractive, friendly and outgoing. It drives me crazy when I see men misinterpret this as flirting and start trying to get with her. I have to control myself because I’ve made myself look like a fool several times by jumping on guys when there was no need. How do I deal with this?

Rob
Detroit

Dear Rob:
You have a serious issue that needs to be addressed. This woman is not your wife and you’re taking things in the wrong direction. You can begin to get a handle on this by sharing your feelings and working together to pinpoint her behavior that bothers you. If this doesn’t help, you personally need to seek therapy to identify the root cause of your insecurities.

Dear Deanna!
I wanted to drop you a few lines about my ex girlfriend. We broke up because I didn’t want her anymore and just told her the relationship was over. I replaced the locks and changed all my phone numbers. She can’t accept the fact it’s over and took things to another level when she keyed my car. She keeps harassing me so bad that I get so angry that I feel like hitting her. What do I do?

Sean
Astoria , N.Y.

Dear Sean:
The car repair should be easy unless you don’t have car insurance. As for your stalker, most of the blame is on you. She is reacting this way because apparently you caught her off guard with the break-up. You didn’t “man-up” with respect and concern nor did you behave in a Godly fashion. It was your responsibility to end the relationship with an explanation and closure instead of dumping her cold turkey. Unless you want to go to jail, do what a woman would do. Take out a restraining order and keep your mouth shut and keep it moving.

Dear Deanna!
I learned that my husband has been cheating on me. I am currently trying to decide if I can forgive him and if we can salvage our 10 year marriage. He told me that he was very sorry for what he has done but I could have reduced the pain if I hadn’t followed him to the hotel and caught him. He says all men cheat at some time and it’s a man’s DNA. He then pointed out our male friends that cheat and named a few celebrities. If things don’t work out is this what I have to look forward to in a marriage?

Terribly Disappointed
On-Line Reader

Dear Disappointed:
Your husband is sorry indeed because he got busted with another woman and tried to flip the script and put the blame on you. All men don’t cheat and infidelity has to do with lust, immaturity and being selfish. If he and his friends all have cheating in common, they’re birds of a feather that shouldn’t be married. Your husband has confirmed he’s a cheater and he’ll cheat again if you stay and accept it. Life is too short and if you find yourself in another relationship with a good man, give him a fair chance with a clean slate and you won’t be disappointed.

Ask Deanna is written by Deanna M.

Write Ask Deanna!
Email: askdeanna1@yahoo.com

or write:

Deanna M
264 S. La Cienega
Suite 1283
Beverly Hills, CA
90211

Website: www.askdeanna.com

Dear Deanna!

My marriage is in shambles because my husband is a slob. I’m stressed because I find myself cleaning the house three or four times a day and I never know what I’ll get when I walk in the door. We argue about this on a regular basis because he refuses to change. Once I didn’t clean and his dirty underwear stayed in the same spot for a week. His hygiene is bad as well and we’re not intimate. How can I get him to choose his marriage before it’s too late and I leave him?

Joyce
Dallas, Texas

Dear Joyce:

It’s amazing you were so in love with Pig Pen that you didn’t smell or see any of this coming. You need to realize he has always been a slob, this is who you married and he’s comfortable. The next time you clean, toss everything in the garbage including clothes, personal items and dishes and let him know that you’re tired and have a new cleaning method. Make it clear that from this point forward everything out of place has a new place called the garbage and keep it moving.

Dear Deanna!

My mother is being taken advantage of by her best friend. My mother is retired has plenty of money saved up and she’s enjoying the finer things in life. Her best friend is a moocher and makes my mom pay for everything. My mother is lonely and doesn’t have any friends so she thinks nothing of it. This woman is going through her money left and right and I know she’s going to look up and one day be broke. How do I get through to her?

Concerned Daughter
Oklahoma City

Dear Daughter:

Your mother is enjoying life and her friend. Before you place judgment or get in the middle of things ask your mom if she’s preparing for a rainy day. If she is, you can rest assured that she knows what she’s doing and is planning her finances wisely. You’re on the outside looking in and have no idea of their friendship. You can calm down and chill and let you mom and her girlfriend do their thing and feel secure knowing that if she needs you, she’ll let you know.

Dear Deanna!

For the first time in my life, I am happy with a man I feel is my soul mate. He is everything I imagined and I can even live with his flaws and shortcomings. I love him dearly but he is overly critical and is very hard on me. When I make mistakes he treats me like a child. He talks about my hair, my make-up and the way I eat. He is a great guy and I know he means well. How do I let him know how this makes me feel without jeopardizing the relationship?

Maria
Charleston, S.C.

Dear Maria:
You’re a star struck groupie in this relationship. As soon as he gets tired, he’ll drop you like a hot coal and move on to another woman. If he sincerely cared there wouldn’t be any feelings of disrespect, ridicule or one-sided criticism. You need to take the risk and tell him how you feel and that you won’t tolerate his treatment. If he’s willing to heed your advice that’s a good thing. If he turns out to be a pig then realize he doesn’t give a damn and keep it moving.

Ask Deanna is written by Deanna M.
Write Ask Deanna! e-mail: askdeanna1@yahoo.com

or write:

Deanna M, 264 S. La Cienega
Suite 1283
Beverly Hills
CA 90211

Website: www.askdeanna.com

Dear Deanna!

I ended my relationship with my boyfriend because I thought I wanted someone more active, exciting and could give me thrills. I now realize I had everything I needed in the man I was with. My ex-boyfriend has a good job, making a lot of money and he’s dating someone else. I want him back and it hurts me looking at this woman living the life I was supposed to have. How do I approach him and let him know that I want another chance?

Anonymous
Charleston, S.C.

Dear Worried:

You didn’t miss the water until the well ran dry and now you have to look at the life you missed out on. You got what you deserved because you were selfish and only thought about yourself and your agenda. It appears he’s happy in his new relationship. You can call him on the phone or talk to him direct. However, you must remember that you left him for another man. If he rejects you or hurts your feelings, get over it because the pendulum of karma just swung back.

Dear Deanna!

I’m in a dilemma and don’t know how to get out of it. I got caught up in my relationship and asked my girlfriend to marry me. I realize now this is the wrong decision and this is not the woman I want to spend my life with. We’ve dated for a few years and now her wedding plans are in full swing. Her mother has called caterers, ordered dresses, and printed invitations. It’s getting out of hand and I’m nervous and scared. How do I end this now?

Wrong Groom
Washington, D.C.

Dear Wrong:

You need to put the brakes on this ordeal immediately. Many people are going to be hurt but you should prevent financial loss, pain and embarrassment while you can. Be a man and tell your girlfriend the truth and offer to reimburse everyone for money they’ve spent. Once you’ve done this, you need to end the relationship. If you choose not to be committed, don’t play any more games. You need to close the deal on a good note and keep it moving.

Dear Deanna!

I’m having huge arguments with my girlfriend because she can’t seem to get enough of her friends. We have a social life that’s active considering our jobs and lifestyle. All of a sudden she wants to go out three nights a week and she’s hanging out on work nights. The only time I see her is when she’s on the phone making more plans or leaving the house. How do I ask her to choose me or her friends and her new party life?

Walt
Phoenix, Ariz.

Dear Walt:

There’s a possibility your problems are more about the relationship than about her friends. You should offer to join her when she goes out and if she says no, then be prepared to have a conversation. Be direct and ask her why she has the need to be so active, what can you do to improve your social life and be willing to make personal changes. However if her honesty hurts your feelings don’t take it personal but use the feedback to improve your situation.

Ask Deanna is written by Deanna M. Write Ask Deanna!
Email: askdeanna1@yahoo.com
or write:
Deanna M, 264 S. La Cienega
Suite 1283, Beverly Hills
CA 90211