Help with Parenting
Community-based healing program offers support
9/21/2021, 3:58 p.m.
Tamika, a single mother of two, also has to account for gun violence that might unfold near her north Portland home. Or worse, gunfire that may claim the lives of her children.
“My son's best friend was shot and killed in front of his mother’s house last March,” she shares. “And it was devastating. My son could have also been right next to his friend.”
Parenting for Tamika has never been a walk in the park. At a young age, she was a single, hard-working mom raising two kids. Her son, in particular, struggled.
“There was myself, my daughter and my son,” she said. “There was no male figure in my household. My son missed out on a whole lot.”
From preschool through his first two years in elementary school, a school administrator called her nearly every day with concerns. Also troubling, she found people telling her she would never get help for her son until he was the juvenile justice system.
Tamika is not alone. She finds solace among other parents through POIC + Rosemary Anderson High School’s Community Healing Initiative parent group.
“I have been struggling with my son ever since he got into public school,” said Tamika. “The work and the help that the Community Healing Initiative is giving us today is work I wish I would have had when we started out on this journey.”
Since the beginning of the year through August, preliminary data show that there were more than 800 incidents of gunfire in Portland alone. More than 260 people have been hurt by gun violence — a number that does not account for other types of violence that can wound, seriously injure or kill in some other way.
Many communities across the country experiencing sharp increases in violence are looking for ways not just to curtail the harm, but also to lift up struggling community members who have been, or are most at risk of being, affected.
Annette Majekodunmi, a parent and community engagement supervisor at POIC + Rosemary Anderson High School who works side by side with Tamika and other parents participating in the healing initiative.
How quickly the community moves on from instances of violence is troubling, said Majekodunmi.
Once a week on Thursdays, Majekodunmi leads a parent group for 12 to 15 people on average who come together to share stories and get information.
The initiative also offers other kinds of support, including home buying seminars, financial literacy sessions, information on how to prepare for COVID-19, and guidance for ensuring that your household is well. Parents may also receive food baskets or help with back-to-school supplies.
“It’s more or less about making sure that parents have the mental and emotional support they need,” she said.
The CHI team also provides support for parents as they interact with the juvenile justice and adult criminal legal system and works to ensure they receive comprehensive, well-rounded information.
Making and keeping connections — and, for parents, using their voice to advocate for the support they need — are all essential in navigating a life touched by violence, Majekodunmi says. There are success stories: Youth complete programs and go to college, while others come back and become mentors themselves.
“Our program works hard to show that there’s another path that your kid can take, but we have to work together to make it happen so younger kids don’t have to deal with the loss of a big brother,” said Majekodunmi.
“It’s sort of like counseling. The topics are different each week, and that usually opens up the floodgates,” said Tamika. “I thought it was just me and my son going through this. We have the platform to say that and also talk about whatever is on the agenda.
“There were times when I was so tired from work and arguing with my son, but I still logged on. And each and every time I logged on, I felt better.”
Tamika works with CHI Family Care Manager Babak Zolfaghari-Azar, who has been able to connect particularly well with her son.
“I need that kind of support and that’s what they give,” she said. “When I can’t talk to my son because of the mental part, Babak will jump in and he can connect. And not just because he’s a male, but he’s knowledgeable enough to know how to speak to someone like my son.”
CHI will remain an essential part of her weekly routine.
“They continue to do things to help build self-esteem,” Tamika says. “I want to really stress that as many times as I wanted to forget them, they never forgot me.”
For more resources on the Community Healing Initiative and other programs, visit portlandoic.org/resources..